New Tool Single is 26 Minutes Long

HOLY REALITY FUCKING SHIT:

The first Tool single, "Anocutaneous Reflexum," from their forthcoming TBA album, is reported to clock in at an amazing 26 minutes, 34 seconds, according to an anonymous source close to the band.  "This shit is going to knock your socks off," states front-tool Maynard J.K., in a rare rumor confirmation, "inna gota devita" doesn't have anything on this shit."  The same source describes the song as "so epic...it's like Beowulf's musical reincarnation."

The band, reportedly capitalizing on the popular sentiement that "the world will end before Tool drops a new album," will stage an unorthodox release on December 22 later this year.  The full length album features 6 tracks, and showcases the talent of Mike Kroeger, who replaces bass player Justin Chancellor on the album, after the former bassist was hospitalized from choking on a biscuit.

Tool may be best known for their dark, edgy, hard-hitting singles "Prison Sex," "Stinkfist" and "Cunt Trigger."  No official press release has yet been issued.  This is far from unusual, however, as Tool has a well known track record for being highly secretive, reclusive shut-ins who are often dicks to their over-zealous fans.

 - From putiedami.com

Three questions!  Who is tool, and why is Jim such a fucking dick?

Quit hatin' on myBama fuckers

He makes more money than you.  He's the most powerful man in the world.  Bitches wanna get wit him.  He's black, he's prez, and you can't fucking handle it.

I totally stole this pic, but since I
typed two words over it
you can suck it

How fucking racist is it that I can type in 'pimp obama' into google pics and get like a hundred different results I can steal from, yet if I type in 'super trombone dog cunt' I get like, one pic that has to do with Obama.  Check son, if you don't like Obama, you are racist, plain and simple:

• Don't like ObamaCare------------------------->prolly cause you don't like black people. 
• Respectfully disagree with his policies?----------------------->RACIST! 
• There's, I don't know, "something about him that rubs you the wrong way?" -------------------------->really, really fucking racist.  So racist you should move to Arizona. 

Also, here:

So shuts the fuck up.



When Obama was elected, he didn't inherit America, he got a fucking turd whipped at his face drive-by.  Metaphor!  Remember that 'secret note' that GWB gave Obama when he left office?  Shit, I got a copy.  Read: 

Obi-

Burp!!!

Good fuckin' luck!

-Dubs

Next time you disagree with Obama, try not to be so racist, asshole.