Breakfast
Spam and eggs, 2 picked eggs on the side. As much whole milk as you can drink.
Lunch
Spam sandwich on sourdough bread with sauerkraut. While you're at it, slather that shit in mayonnaise. And don't fucking call it 'maynis' either or I will digitally punch you in the asshole. Pickled eggs for desert. Chug the milk again.
Supper
(or as the Nazis called it, Dinner)
As above, then drink some beers.
Do this shit for like, a week or something*. Then, like some kind of ogre gastro-magick, viola, welcome to the best ass you've ever had. No shit. Graciously sample your own particular bouquet; remember, waft gently, you smelly mother fucker. Bless your roommate or significant other with your glorious swamp hole. Hotbox or dutch oven? Yes please! Get it on video, email it to me, and I will furiously masturbate all over myself. Also, stick your fart-ass over a jar and email it to su_madre@ymail.com, and I will surprise fart-rape my neighbor in the mouth.
* Or just eat at Taco Bell
